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A New Role Model for Reyes

Jerry Manuel Jose, we can't have you throwing tantrums out on the field. You're a grown man and you can't act that way anymore.
Jose Reyes I know, coach, I just get so emotional about this game.
Jerry Manuel Emotion is good, but you can't let it get the best of you. That's why I brought in a New York baseball legend to set you straight. He's an expert in learning how to control your emotional impulses.
Jose Reyes Wow, four-time world champion Paul O'Neill!
Paul O'Neill

That's FIVE time world champion, you ASSHOLE!
/rips off batting gloves, flings them across clubhouse
Jose Reyes Oh yeah, I forget you won one with the Reds.
Paul O'Neill

How could you forget that?! We swept the A's!! I mean, C'MONNN!!
/takes off batting helmet, bounces it off ground 12 feet in the air
Jose Reyes I'm sorry, I was just a little kid when that happened.
Paul O'Neill

And it woulda been SIX if stupid Mariano could've shut the door on the fucking DIAMONDBACKS!! JESUS!!
/bites knuckles until bloody
Jose Reyes Whoah, that's not fair. Mariano Rivera is, like, the best closer in the history of time.
Paul O'Neill

You don't know what you're TALKING ABOUT! That ball was nowhere NEAR the plate!
/yanks jersey out of pants, pops three buttons
Jose Reyes Ball? What ball?
Paul O'Neill

Yeah, exactly--it was a BALL!! I don't take strikes, okay? I CRUSH THEM! If I don't swing, that means IT'S NOT A STRIKE!
/bashes water cooler with Louisville Slugger
Jerry Manuel You see, Jose? This is the way a professional athlete acts.
Jose Reyes It looks more like the way a whiny crybaby acts to me.
Paul O'Neill

WHAT?!
/puts hands on hips, rolls eyes skyward
Jerry Manuel No, you don't understand. He's showing passion!
Jose Reyes Does "showing passion" include kicking his cleats off and eating them?
Paul O'Neill /gnaws on Nikes
Jerry Manuel Yes, it shows he's fiery! That's how he led the Yankees to four World Series titles!
Jose Reyes I thought it was because he was a good hitter in a lineup full of other good hitters. Plus all their pitchers were on steroids.
Jerry Manuel Well, yeah, that too.
Paul O'Neill

When you put on the pinstripes, you have a duty to uphold the legacy of Ruth and Mantle and...OH, YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME WITH THIS STRIKE ZONE, UMP!!
/rips open sunflower seed pack with teeth, swallows entire pack, spits it out onto floor
Jerry Manuel You see, Jose, you have a long way to go before you can be the kind of inspirational leader that Paul was in his prime.
Jose Reyes So if I wanna act like a spoiled brat, I have to be old, white, and on a winning team that's not full of broken down veterans.
Jerry Manuel Pretty much, yeah.
Paul O'Neill

GOD, I will EAT your CHILDREN!!
/pulls leather strings out of fielder's mitt one by one with his teeth

Posted 07.03.08 12:05pm * Permalink

   

 

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