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God Appreciates Your Input
| With 10.8 seconds left, Memphis's Derrick Rose goes to the line for two free throw shots that could ice the championship game for the Tigers. | |
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Lord, this is John Calipari. If Derrick makes these two, we're supposed to be national champs. If that's your will, I'm fine. And if he misses them and we're not, I'm fine with that, too. |
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Oh, really, you're fine with that? |
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Lord, you've heard my prayer! |
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Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you were okay with my will. I mean, I am the Supreme Being, but I like to make sure that you guys on Earth are cool with what I plan on doing. |
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That wasn't really what I meant... |
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No, no, I really should have consulted with you first. I'm only the Alpha and the Omega. But you, you coach a basketball team. Clearly, you're more qualified to judge the course of human affairs. |
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I just wanted to express my willingness to yield to your will. |
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That's great! I realize you have a choice in choosing which god to bow down before, so I appreciate your patronage! |
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Look, if you're busy... |
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Busy?! Oh, my, no! Sure, I have literally a zillion things to do, what with genocide in Darfur and global warming and strife in the Middle East, but my attention is totally focused on your little game of hoops. |
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I certainly don't presume to tell you what to do... |
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But you should! I was thinking about taking care of that whole world peace thing, and I'd really like your input on that. Anything else I can do for you? Make the clouds rain strawberry preserves? Move Alpha Centauri a bit to the left? |
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Why are you being so sarcastic? |
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Because I'm gonna lose fifty large on this game because you never bothered to teach your kids HOW TO MAKE FREE THROWS! |
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You put money on this game? |
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No, I was just channeling a couple million guys praying to me at the same time. |
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Boy, I better lay low for a while, huh? |
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Oh, don't ask me. You're the guy with all the answers. |
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God, you're a dick. |
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Hey, try answering stupid questions all day and see how cheery you are. |
Posted 04.08.08 10:31pm * Permalink
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