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Die Die Die: What We Talk About When We Talk About Nachos
News flash: Taco Bell's had some rotten commercials over the years. That makes them no different than any other fast food joint, but there's something I find particularly galling about Taco Bell's unique brand of commercial annoying-itude.
Let's read the charges, shall we? They aided and abetted the overexposure of Jim McMahon (seriously, click on that link and wonder to yourself, how the fuck was this guy ever cool, even in the 80s? ). They exploited Johnny Cash and Little Richard while both legends were down on their luck (I hope). They foisted both the hungry Chihuahua and the "good to go" douchebag on us. Not to mention their recent pimping out of the World Series, and their CEO's Stepford Wife-esque on camera performance.
Maybe it's the food itself that prompts my harshness towards the franchise. I would argue that Taco Bell is the fast food joint with the largest gulf between What You See In The Commercial and The Glop You Are Actually Served. Granted, if you're making a run for the border, there's only a slim chance that you're anywhere close to sober and give a shit about what you put in your mouth.
Still, the commercials show crisp lettuce, juicy tomato wedges, and sizzling, succulent ground beef. But in a real Taco Bell "restaurant," your grand-lolita cheesaritungo, or whatever the fuck you cave in and buy, will look like diarrhea wrapped in a dirty chamois.
In this spirit, I present the reprehensible Taco Bell "Whip It" commercial, in which an older brother gives his sibling some rules to live by. The only rule the older brother has been able to abide by in his own life is the correct manner of ordering Taco Bell nachos (with chili, for maximum colon abuse). After being pushed around by his domineering Dragon Tattoo Lady (who's kinda hot, in a punk rock sorta way), older bro looks completely defeated by life. Younger bro cracks a whip to emphasize his older bro's complete lack of testicular fortitude. Devo's classic tune is further devalued.
This falls under the heading of Things That Aren't Funny Presented In A Comedic Context. Older Bro desperately tries to communicate the shame he feels trapped in an abusive relationship, telegraphing his fears to Younger Bro in thinly veiled allusions. But all he can spit out are his guidelines for ordering nachos. There's enough subtext and unspoken desire here for three or four E. M. Forster novels--and that's supposed to be funny, somehow.
If the commercial went on any longer, Older Bro and Dragon Tattoo Lady would get into a screaming match, somebody would throw a vase across the room, and a trial separation would soon follow. Or there would just be more gulfs of aching silence, punctuated by brief fits of petty, passive aggressive attacks by each partner on the other. It's like a Raymond Carver story, except it makes me wanna punch somebody in the throat.
It looks like this sexual psychodrama is already fading from public consciousness. I haven't seen the full commercial in weeks, only an abbreviated version in which Older Bro simply gives his nacho advice. The edited ad still sues "Whip It," which, in the absence of Dragon Tattoo Lady's evil machinations, makes little sense. This almost makes me long for the 30-second version of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf". "Don't talk about our chalupa, Martha!"
Bonus Ad That Doesn't Fill Me With Rage: There is a predecessor (sort of) to this bizarre Snickers ad. But I find it funnier decontextualized. Pilgrim tells Viking the gas station convenience store had no more Snickers. Viking hurls garbage can in rage at a parked car. Pilgrim gives Viking new dark chocolate Snickers. Viking hurls garbage can in joy at same parked car.
It makes me laugh every time I see it. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's a new comedic rule: Vikings throwing heavy things is inherently funny.
Posted 11.07.07 07:45pm * Permalink
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