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Steinbrenner Takes the Reins

Defying reports that he no longer controls baseball's most famous team, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has completed a blockbuster trade, sending third baseman Alex Rodriguez to the Los Angeles Angels in exchange for one ton of pudding.

"I think this proves once and for all who is running the Yankees' ship," said team president Randy Levine at a press conference to announce the trade. "Only a leader with the strength and vision of The Boss could complete such a deal. [Angels owner] Arte Moreno is a tough negotiator, but in the end I believe we came out on the winning end of this deal."

The pudding is said to be Kozyschack brand. The ton will consist of a roughly equitable mix of vanilla, chocolate, and tapioca.

For the past few years, news stories have painted Steinbrenner as showing signs of dementia, increasingly detached from the day-to-day operations of his team. Even his closest advisors expressed concern when, during a recent Old Timers Day at Yankee Stadium, he continually referred to Reggie Jackson as "Topogigio" and urinated copiously on Graig Nettles.

In a written communiqué from his Tampa office, Steinbrenner commented on the move by saying, "Pudding is good. Brenda died, you know. That used to be a candy shop over there. Oh, I pooped again."

Told of the deal, Rodriguez told reporters that he was "excited for the chance to play alongside such great players as Vladimir Guerrero and Bartolo Colon." He added, "after three years of having my every move splashed across the front page of the Post and the Daily News, I'm also glad to go play in a city where they don't give a shit about baseball."

Utility player Wilson Betemit will fill in at third base until the deal is officially approved by the commissioner's office, and until the shipment of pudding clears customs.

Posted 08.04.07 11:07am * Permalink

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