07.26.07 - Shine On, Neon Deion

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Shine On, Neon Deion

Deion Sanders is a former NFL and MLB star and two-time winner of the JVC Audio Competition, Jacket Division. Today, he shares his insight on the Michael Vick controversy.

Michael Vick has been already tried and convicted in the court of public opinion, and it's all because of perspective. He's accused of running a dog fighting ring and participating in various acts of brutality against canines. From the perspective of many people, this is reprehensible. But most people's perspective is stupid. At least from my perspective.

Let's look at that word: perspective. What does it mean, exactly?

Okay, I just looked it up in the dictionary, and there's like eight million definitions. So forget Webster's. Half the words in there are totally made up anyway.

Different people look at dog fighting differently. Some people see it as a barbaric act fueled by grotesquely misplaced testosterone. Other people see it as it an easy way to make a couple of bucks. And it is pretty easy, as long as you're not one of the dogs. I know some places down south where they'll cover six-figure bets, and they offer some great odds. If you're into that sort of thing. And if you're into that sort of thing, ring me up, man. I will hook you up.

I see dog fighting as a beautiful expression of nature's fury. There's nothing more natural than raising a pit bull puppy on a diet of deprivation and beatings until he's a sadistic shell devoid of mercy. And I can find beauty in watching one dog rip another's face off, which is, of course, what dogs do to one another in the wild.

Many people are horrified by the means Vick used to put down his injured dogs. But despite all of humankind's knowledge, the mysteries of the grave remain unknown to us. Who's to say that having your skull repeatedly slammed to the ground isn't a peaceful way to go? I know some people who would hate to die quietly in their sleep. They'd much rather take ride into the Great Beyond on an electrified water slide.

I hear a lot of people say that it's wrong to commit such brutality against innocent animals. How do you know they're innocent? They coulda took a dump on the carpet, or chewed up Mike's sneakers. Sometimes just saying "bad dog!" ain't enough--you need the stern discipline of a rape stand.

We must remember that everything is a matter of perspective. What you find disgusting, I might find enjoyable. Maybe even arousing. Sometimes, I see a rotisserie chicken, glistening, dotted with burnt glaze, and I just gotta get near it. I gotta be with it. I gotta be part of it. It don't matter if I'm right in the middle of the hot foods section of the Publix, and moms are covering up their kids' eyes so they don't see my junk spearing a barbecue roaster with a side of cornbread and slaw.

I'm a born-again Christian now, and I'm pretty sure the Bible says that dogs don't have souls. So it's okay to do whatever you want with them. I can't remember exactly where the Bible says that, or in what context, and I might actually be thinking of a napkin I read once. Still, my hazy, possibly wrong recollection tells me that Michael was doing the Lord's work.

What I do know for sure is that Jesus taught us all to judge not, lest ye shall be judged. That principle applies whether you're accused of breeding killer dogs, or if you like humping freshly cooked meat. We all have our crosses to bear. For me, it's constantly applying Benadryl to my burnt johnson.

Next week: Curt Schilling praises the strength, courage, and conviction of Curt Schilling.

Posted 07.26.07 07:51pm * Permalink