07.05.07 - The Myth of Purity, As Demonstrated on the B59

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The Myth of Purity, As Demonstrated on the B59

When you take the bus every morning, you tend to see the same people over and over. Much more so than the subway, because subways are very large and run much more frequently. But when you take the same bus at the same time every morning, chances are you will take that bus with the same people. Before long, they make up a little mental menagerie of archetypes. The Hairy Guy Who Listens to Reggaeton on Oversized Headphones. The Mother with Squirmy Child Who Refuses to Sit Down. Kid Who Sneaks Sips of Smirnoff Ice on His Way to Junior High.

The Wife has one interesting character on her daily bus commute. This man looks like he's been dragged down a few dirt roads, possibly literally. He's got a face like a piece of beef jerky left out in the rain. His arms are littered with tattoos. They're not sleeves, as if they were part of some great aesthetic plan. More like he's inked himself whenever he's felt like it, squeezing his latest whim in whatever space is available. All of them were obviously once black, but with time have faded to dark blue and green.

The piece de resistance is tattoo on the back of his shaved head, his statement to the world: EAT PUSSY AND DIE.

All of these things would make him a mere character. But there's more--there's always more! The Man is on the bus when The Wife gets on. He gets off shortly thereafter to begin his daily shift--at the kosher food warehouse.

I find this funny, sad, and then funny and sad again. A person who keeps kosher is someone with a sense of piety. In a culture in which we're encouraged to simply yield to our desires (particularly if those desires involve spending money), it is amazing that there are people who have enough self restraint to follow 4000-year-old dietary restrictions. Essentially, you believe that The Almighty wants you to eat only certain things, and you do so. You assume that the people preparing those foods are similarly pious.

Meanwhile, your God-approved comestibles are prepared by a scumbag. I try not to make assumptions about people's beliefs, but I think it's safe to say that someone with a EAT PUSSY AND DIE tattoo doesn't keep kosher.

The moral of this story is that there's no such thing as purity. You can struggle to remain righteous and untouched as the pure driven snow. But in this modern society, there are a million middle men and manufacturers between what we consume and what we put in our mouths.

We must all accept it: At some point your food will be touched by a man whose neck screams EAT PUSSY AND DIE.

Posted 07.05.07 06:23pm * Permalink