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An Open Letter To Tom Coughlin

Dear Tom Coughlin,

Recently, while talking about how hated you are in New York, you compared yourself to Hitler. I have to assume that this was an attempt at humor through hyperbole. You thought to yourself, Who do people hate a lot? Naturally, history's greatest monster came to mind.

So you spat out 'Hitler' and hoped the yucks would follow. Unfortunately, you kinda can't joke about Hitler. A lot of people find nothing funny at all about Hitler. Like, 99% of the civilized world.

Maybe you've been listening to some of those "shock" comedians. Maybe you read one too many "Truly Tasteless Jokes". Maybe these brands of comedy convinced you that a person can say virtually anything as long as it's presented in the "joke context"--and to an extent, a person can. But note the modifier "virtually" in my last sentence. "Virtually" includes (but is not limited to) "mentioning Hitler".

Granted, there are some people who have been able to joke about Hitler and get laughs from it. But these individuals are master comedians, which you clearly are not. You aimed high in your first attempt at comedy and you failed, Tom. There's no shame in that. That Hitler thing, though, that's a little shameful.

Next time you try your hand at comedy, try not to mention Hitler. If it helps, write it on a 3x5 notecard and put it in your wallet: NO HITLER.

As someone who's written funny ha-ha things on occasion, I'll offer you some comedic advice in case this nasty 'Hitler' thing come up again.

* Exaggeration is a powerful tool within the comedian's arsenal. So it wasn't a bad idea to compare yourself to someone truly hated. Next time, remember that there's a multitude of hated people to choose from. Joseph Stalin. Benito Mussolini. Terrell Owens. Place these names ahead of Hitler on your Hated Depth Chart.

* "Referential" humor is quite popular nowadays. Witness the popularity of shows like "I Heart the 80s" and "The Best Week Ever". So it wasn't a bad idea, per se, to reference a figure from the news. It would probably be better to mention someone more contemporary, like Paris Hilton or Albert Gonzalez. And it would be even better still if you could mention someone who wasn't Hitler.

* You can also go with the classic Rule Of Three: name two "normal" or "expected" things before listing your "funny" response. For example: "The three most hated people in New York are Osama bin Laden, Walter O'Malley, and me." Mix and match as you see fit. Just make sure one of those three isn't Hitler.

* You can also say the opposite of what you mean for comedic effect. This is called "sarcasm". For example, if someone asked you how well you were liked in New York, you could say, "Oh, they love me up there" in a wry tone with an ironic smirk on your face. This would also nearly eliminate any chance of mentioning Hitler.

* Consider that perhaps joke telling is not your forte. I believe you may be better suited for the "straight man" role. Whenever I see you on TV, you seem to be tilting your head, Vincent Donofrio-style, your mouth agape, steam practically coming out of your ears, because you're seeing something you simply can not believe on the football field. You do this a minimum of 7 times a game--and that's just counting the instances the networks choose to show. It reminds me of the classic "slow burn" perfected by such legendary straight men as Edgar Kennedy and Ted Knight. If I were you, I would concentrate on developing this brand of humor.

It bears mentioning that straight men rarely, if ever, mention Hitler.

Of course, one of the classic comedy rules is that there are no rules in comedy. We all have different tastes, different notions of what tickles our funny bones. Senses of humor are as varied as the human race itself. So I'm sure you'll find your own way to make us laugh.

As long as you don't mention Hitler. For the love of god, don't mention Hitler ever again.

Sincerely,

Scratchbomb

Posted 03.30.07 08:03am * Permalink

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