03.21.07 - Tony Dungy Believes In The Fundamentals

* Home * RSS Feed * Archives * Who Dis? * Contact

UPCOMING EVENTS

Watch this space!

Tony Dungy Believes In The Fundamentals

When people ask me how the Colts got to be so successful, my answer is always "fundamentals". You throw the ball, you catch the ball, and then you try to keep the other team from throwing and catching the ball. That may seem simplistic, but many coaches believe they can tamper with the natural order of the game and still expect to win. I don't think I need to name names. But I believe my record as a coach--and the records of those who defy the nature of football--speak for themselves.

There's another area where the fundamentals work. It's called Life. That's why I believe in a strict, literal interpretation of the Bible. Sure, it was written more than 2000 years ago by a barely literate agrarian culture. And sure, it was endlessly copied and recopied in a variety of dead tongues by thousands of monks beholden to the patronage of the landed aristocracy. And sure, most English translations follow the mores of 17th century interpretations that were influenced by anti-Catholic fervor and internecine squabbles. But all these obstacles just make its utter truth so much more amazing!

That's why I was glad to speak before the Indiana Family Institute and express my support for a same-sex marriage ban. The Bible is very clear on this issue: Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Any other kind of "arrangement" is an abomination in the eyes of God and must be shunned. I won't even watch reruns of "Laverne And Shirley" anymore. Even though they are hilarious.

This doesn't mean that I hate gay people. The Bible teaches us that we are all God's creatures and deserving of love and compassion, no matter how misguided and perverted some of us might be. I simply think that their "unions" should be invalidated by law, or punished if possible. Of course, this would necessitate policing the nation's bedrooms, which is something that would be time consuming for law enforcement officials, not to mention that it runs counter to 200 years of Constitutional law.

But hey, with a little elbow grease and a can-do attitude, Americans can accomplish anything!

But I'm not here to condemn the gays. That's for our loving, vengeful God to do in His own time. None of us are perfect, and we all need a guiding hand to get back on the path to righteousness. That's why I appreciate the helpful reminders from other Christians who have pointed out other Biblical passages to which my submission could be more diligent.

For instance, Bob from Terre Haute emailed me an excerpt from Leviticus 11, which tells us that touching a pig carcass makes one unclean. I'm aware that footballs are not actually made from "pigskin" any more, but my beliefs make me uncomfortable with this nickname. I've petitioned Commissioner Goodall to substitute a less sinful phrase. My suggestion: Jesus Balls. I await his reply.

Mary from Keokuk reminded me that, according to Leviticus 15, it is unclean to touch women during "that time of the month". So we're building a menstruation hut in the backyard, next to the swing set. My wife has been very understanding about this.

And I'm most grateful to Gary from Kankakee, who sent me the following passage from Colossians:

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men

This reminded me that I am descended from slaves. I know that slavery was banned in this country by the Emancipation Proclamation, but in this as in all other things, I must obey the law of God and not of men. So I'm looking to track down the Dungy family. Hopefully, they will accept my forgiveness and allow me to enter their unpaid employ once again.

Go Colts!

Posted 03.21.07 11:05pm * Permalink